And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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