Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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