He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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