worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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