you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
