I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
