Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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