So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
