in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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