honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize