the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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