for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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