textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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