I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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