I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
