you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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