My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
