Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
