I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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