Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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