party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
