You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
