Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
