doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
