He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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