I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
