Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
