He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
