If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
