I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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