tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
