so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
