i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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