I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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