If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
