This girl is more easily done than said...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
