been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
