How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
