I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
