Don't make out with my wife yet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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