Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
