The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
