I bet he comes in French.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
