I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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