I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
