I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So here I am, sexting at work.
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