no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
