STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
