I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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