Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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