Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had sex on a roof
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
