Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
