Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
