I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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