Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
