I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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