I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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