I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my shit smells like andre
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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