I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize