You're my little dorito
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
