I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
