I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
