thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
