it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
