Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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